The sad and the unfortunate
by Elizabeth Milles
Summary: He loathes her. She loathes him. But will he care when the girl he has taunted for years ,is slowly dying through his own hands?
1. o1: train

Sometimes I wished I still had my time turner, it was confiscated by the ministry shortly after the war and I was left with utterly nothing when I returned to Hogwarts.

And I mean it.

* * *

I stared at myself in the mirror before muttering."What a hopeless case."

The water cascaded down my cheeks as my fingers numbly held onto the sink before I let out a throaty cough.

"Ugly and worthless,little mudblood-that's what you are."

My eyes felt blank and invisible and the word feels like air to me-I simply don't give a _fuck_ about anything at I wanted was to get the 7th year done and over my a job at the and easy.

I was not one meant for relationships of has been a teacher to me and I have learnt to understand that not all people are meant to be sociable.

Yes,I have become a sort of a social pariah.I don't talk to was more of a 'I'm required to answer you so I talk' of a situation and everyone seemed to accept it gradually.

Molly has tried talking to me and tried to owl me but I ignore her and just drink my whiskey and get along my way in my tiny flat in Diagon Alley.

Opening the door and sauntering along the hallway,my shoes being cushioned down by the soft carpet,I stare straight into the air and make my way back to my compartment where I had it all to myself.

 _Begging for a fist around it._

 _Choking on my pride._

 _There's no use crying about it._

Suddenly my chest makes contact with something hard.

And my vision swirls as my skull pounded as if I was being thrown a million rocks.

"So there's the irresponsible _mudblood._ "His icy voice drawls."Thought my first day wouldn't get better, would it?The bookworm of the golden trio literally below my sweet."

I don't respond but only to bore into his cold grey eyes,making myself get up and shove past him-purposefully brushing my skin against his.

He would love to get himself cleaned up after that.

Malfoy has somehow escaped the wrath of Azkaban-probably with the testimonies I gave to wizengamot. Guess he had probably forgotten that,like how Harry and Ron did to me.

He was the same usual Draco,condescending and can I expect?War has no effect on him all on both sides,he has been seen as a living embodiment of God,regardless of his sickly Pureblood ideologies and whatnot.

And I should not care about him but like what the old Ginny said."He's only just a cruel disgusting death 's all that is left to Malfoy."

His voice lingers behind .Harsh.

"What's wrong,mudblood?You sad that nobody here cares about you?Are you going to cry and go back..."

And I tune him out as I shoved the door shut,marching back to the compartment where eyes of colour,glared back at me.

Nothing comes out of me before a blonde girl turns her head and snarls."Do you have any idea what is going on,idiot?"

My mouth opens and I gap,only for the dreaded voice behind me to answer."Get dressed in your robes 're reaching Hogwarts soon.I expect it would be in half an hour so duty schedules will be owled to every each of are compulsory for all on Wednesdays,don't be late or points will be deducted from the houses."

If only I just gave the girl a snarky remark,it wouldn't be worse than Malfoy answering for me. Hatred was better than gathering humiliation.

The rest nodded,walking out of the compartment while sending me dirty glares and snickers.

"I wish we hadn't have a slut running for head girl."

"Probably all that sluttying around has gotten into her head."

"Good job, _mudblood_."His voice sarcastically has came close to my ear."I just hope you won't fuck up things,like you always do."

And I know I won't fuck up things again because how will I do that,when I know life's at its end too?


	2. o2: wall

The red liquid splatters on the cold marble floor,I shake my head.

Sighing euphoria,throwing my head back as I let the blade run through the rims of my skin and letting it split into beautiful delicate lines of red.

Everything felt numb,crying felt like nothing.

The first day was absolute shit,as I expected,usual glares and remarks from my peers ,Ron and their jolly gang ignoring me as per usual but this time they even joined the others in their cruel ways.

"Pathetic,isn't she?"

Harry.

"She's not the girl we used to know."

Ron.

I loved you,you know?

"You always fuck up things, _mudblood_."The girl in the mirror sneered."Malfoy's right,you always fuck up things."

Maybe it was the period where I started to ignore my old friends that cut the dead weight.I was a burden afterall,or was it the fact they found out me and Zabini were on close terms during that phase-they didn't like it at all.

I remember.

 _"Hermione,how could you?"His_ _blue_ _eyes stared back at me._

 _I tried to avoid his gaze but the remorse in my heart made it worse._

 _"I-I'm sorry...Ron...I'm really sorry—"_

 _"We could've helped you,Hermione."_

 _"You wouldn't understand—"_

 _"And you think sleeping with a death eater would help your situation much,mudblood—"_

And there's where it hit a chord.

The clatter bounced against the walls of my flat as he faced me,peering back at . .In that moment,I knew I lost Ron.

That slap ended everything.

I locked everyone out of my life.

Ended what I had with Zabini,to which I called 'a benefits experiment.'

It's not like I had anything in the first place.

My parents were oblivious to my existence,forgotten who I was- reversing the oblivation did not work.

Suppose fate has its own path for me,hasn't it?

The pounding of the wooden door resonates,cutting off my train of thoughts as I continued staring back at my hunched back shot eye circles.

Muttering a spell to clean my mess up and close my wounds.I tuck the tiny metal piece into my pocket ,ignoring Malfoy's increasingly agitated yells and knocking.

"Granger,what is taking you so long?"

Silence.

"If you're not answer me,I'm going to open this door myself—"

Cold hard metal finds my grip and I meet the floor,wandering past him as I muttered."Fuck off,Malfoy."

He only stared back at me,gaping before a smirk replaces that dark look he had on his face."Vulgarities's a first for you,Granger,huh?"

His platinum blonde hair was messed up,his eyes dark and cold but nevertheless it could not wipe off the cockiness that was Malfoy.

"The weasel not satisfying you enough?"

"Don't mention him."I spat.

"Aw-the mudblood got rejected by the blood ."He continued."Suppose it was because he got tired of you—"

He was right.

" ."I stared back at him dangerously,finding myself walking towards him closely,shaking my head."You don't know me, have no fucking right to assume shit you have no idea of contemplating."

"What?That the scar head and the weasel got tired of you?Have I finally hit a sore spot of yours, Granger?"He taunted,condescending eyes reflected back at me."If anything,I feel bad for them that they had to deal with someone—"

"At least I'm not a coward,unlike you!"

He stayed quiet but those dancing emotions in his eyes,I couldn't put my finger on them.

"I have the guts to face my consequences but do you,Malfoy?

You chicken out like a vulnerable little kitten and if it weren't for your money,I bet you everything I ever have that you wouldn't be standing here,talking to this pathetic little _mudblood,_ you speak of."

My eyes spin and my skull pounds once more,his fingers find their grip on my wrists,pinning them on the wall.

His voice terrifying close to my ear.

"You have no fucking right to judge me, . ."

It raged with acidity and anger.

"You don't know _anything about me."_


	3. o3: potions

A/N:Currently increasing my word count from next chapter onwards :) also I'll try to update thrice a weekkkk considering I'm quite free now.

Ashley Simonds:sorry ,fan fic. net always screws up the chapters and words disappear magically, that's why some of the sentences doesn't make sense,i'll try to moderate my chapters more from now on but thank you for reading!

* * *

First class of the year, the old Hermione would have wanted to get on a good head start and would've read up all of the textbooks a month before the term started.

However ,this Hermione was the opposite.

"Can anyone tell me what this potion does?"Snape drawled on monotonously, usually by this instant my hand would have shot up now but I don't and instead, my hand was busy nesting my chin as my eyes then I heard a voice whisper behind me,"What's up with you, mud blood?"

Curse my luck to be seated in front of Malfoy.

I don't respond and instead my quill scribbles some messy dribbles onto my notebook, random thoughts mostly.

Some eyes fall on me and I roll my eyes.

"Miss Granger ,would you like to answer?"

I shake my head and replied,"No ,thank you."

I couldn't be bothered with this bullshit.

A few gasps resounded across the classroom as his voice turned to a sneer."10 points from Gryffindor, Miss you like continue to day dream during my class, you can jolly well go and join a session of cleaning of the classrooms during detention."

You can jolly well live in Azkaban for all I care.A voice sneered in my head.

I nod and his greasy hair turns around as it dragged on,"Class, take out your textbook and read page..."

Tuning out his repetitive monologue, all I could hear was the comments made by the two voices I expected to hear from.

Disturbing, yet true.

"Do you see her?"

"Yeah, what's wrong with her?"

"Guess she was done being a burden and finally woken up, thank Merlin."

Another familiar snicker comes behind once more.

"Ah, what a lovely day it , mud blood?"His voice came to a whisper in my ears.

My fingers clenched tightly underneath the table as I rolled my eyes."Go away,ferret."

"No."Instead,his finger caught hold of my tresses and tugged on it.I yelped in pain,whispering harshly."Malfoy,fuck off!"

"It's sad,really."He continues,getting his grimy fingers on my hair as I tried to swat them away."That I have to be seated in front of a won't help me pay attention,wouldn't it?I guess I'll have to trim it myself."

"What?"My eyes widened as my voice squeaked,nails digging into my wrist.

"What?"His voice comes mockingly.

" .Mudblood."His sneers came with acid,leaving behind a loud chuckle.

A nasally voice from behind calls,"Draco,mind doing me a favour and just stick a pin in her?Her fat rolls are wouldn't like rubbish ballooning up in the classroom,wouldn't he?"

Pansy.

She doesn't like me one bit at all,I me with her heel when we were at the train station before remarking."That's where you belong, . I pity my poor Draco who has to deal with you."

My heart thumped world seemed to stop moving.I willed myself to not let those tears touch my cheeks as they were left burning my eyes.

"Fat!"

"Disgusting!"

"Slut!"

"Whore!"

"Pathetic mudblood!"

My limbs were already meaty for they all have been.

Suddenly a loud voice interrupts my thoughts.

"Miss Malfoy,50 points from Gryffindor and Slytherin each for disrupting the two are to come down to my office for a detention at 8 o'clock sharp.I will not say this again but I expect you to be on time.

Late comers will be given further Miss Granger,this will be the first and the last time I will be earning you to do as you've been told in this don't disrupt my that clear?"

My head was lowered as I mumbled bitterly."Yes,Professor."

"Is that clear?I'm asking you,Miss Granger-"

"CRYSTAL."My voice echoed loudly across the was more of a shout than a reply to be honest but I really didn't care for I had better things to care about.

People stared at me,gaping as Snape nodded,seemingly satisfied with my response before turning around to the board.

Malfoy's grey eyes were narrowing on me with intense wounds were dripping iron.

I think I haven't learnt my lesson yet.


	4. o4: summer

**A/N:OMG GUYS IM SO SORRY WTF I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN 2 WEEKS.**

 **So I have been away on holiday and I was planning to publish some chapters but unfortunately I lost access to my account on my phone and as such, i wasn't able to update this story.I'm sorryyyy- I promise there will be a new chapter up at the end of this week.**

 **By the way,im quite new here and I have no idea what's a beta anyone explain what's that?If it lessens my pain of** **those disappearing words, then I'm interested in having one of you guys be one :D**

 **And to make up for my latefulness- here's a start to long chapters in the future!(1000 words minimum each)**

 **Love,**

 **Liz**

* * *

Everyone says they love you but they don't, they love how saying that makes them feel better for themselves after their knives stick into are cruel all the time , their cynical ways and their sharp,cutting words can make a weak heart bleed into the ocean.

The sea was filled with almost all of that red iron of mine. Quite frankly,there's a lingering apathetic personality that belongs to a girl named Hermione.

Years have passed,yet the pain can't be was harsh like cold wind in a lonesome winter storm to her.

I may be a witch but I'm just a dying human being that has given up,who is awaiting for her quick death.

Hours have been spend surfing the net,flipping through shelves of voluminous texts,trying to find a way that could finally kill me for sure-attempting to hang myself ended up in me losing my voice temporarily.

I tried jumping off the astronomy tower in sixth year but I found myself still kicking and alive in the hospital ward,with Madam Pomfrey's head shaking sadly at me,saying."She doesn't deserve to be like this."

But I do,Madam 't you understand?I have no friends-that has been a constant ever since the previous year.

No body cares about knows about loves ?

And I'm done trying to be a burden on everyone's shoulders and attempting to satisfy everyone's needs.I just...don't care,anymore.

It took several hours of begging for Mcgonagall to keep my suicide attempt a secret from my already-little group of friends:Neville and didn't understand why I had to 'bottle up my feelings' and that my friends should be aware of the situation.

However how would that help them?Neville and wouldn't 's too much for they knew I was doing things like this,they would question me and I don't like the possibility of being confronted with those kind of questions.

Mcgonagall offered to hire one of those 'professionals' from St Mungos- the loony people department to speak to me but I rejected her offer.

I'm not crazy, why would anyone think that?

As time passed,I find that razors have slit my wrists-they barely bled.

Maybe it could be a sign that I was meant to stay here for some time or could it be some form of encouragement for me to continue carrying out my suicidal tendencies?

A few months back,I was back in the muggle world for the whole duration of summer. My aunt and Uncle knew about what I did in the dark and so, instead of being understanding - they decided to send me to a half-way house.

 _"You know it's your last day here."Anna mumbled softly,she was staring at the ceiling,caught in a slow daze. " Talk to him."_

 _Sit ups were my favourite,Dr Martin suggested that I should change to squats but I waved his suggestion knew what I wanted but yet he still gifted me stupid advice._

 _"Fuck it."I say in a huff,continuing my exercise. " He's a prick anyway,he should just rot."_

 _A few days ago,Anna held a birthday party that was disastrous in my a replace of a sponge cake,she baked the carrot version;barely anyone pecked anything out of it,despite being a supposed 'healthy treat.'_

 _We wanted to have some entertainment and the only show we had was one laughed as we viewed it,I don't make a protest-I liked the way we were doing things._

 _"So no one told you life was gonna be this way—"_

 _Apparently Catherina-the caretaker was obsessed with the show and she had bought all of the sessions on DVD and we were left with no budget for anything else._

 _I would just say I came to this halfway house ungrudgingly because I was far away from my toxic family and at least most of the people were nice here-they just have some personal demons to deal with._

 _My weight just ballooned and deflated during these few months,Dr Martin said he wanted to see me here next summer but I think I'll just spend my time in Sicily or is a hellhole to me._

 _Half way into the show,a sharp shrieking was ,we moved on our feet and discovered Danielle scratching her wrists in the toilet so aggressively that she was sitting in a small puddle of blood and was about to pass out._

 _"Out!Out!Out!"Catherina went in and shut the door,I could catch a glimpse of a pale Danielle._

 _I walked out immediately to the garden while the others stood there rooted by the door way._

 _Sitting down on the wet lawn,I could feel the water droplets hitting me from the tree leaves above rain had just stopped and the wind breezes through my thin sweater,I shivered,breathing in the cold air that smelled of lavender._

 _"Hey."He plonked down beside me."Catherina is taking Danielle to the else is trying to calm themselves down-they need you here."_

 _I was sort of an unintended peacemaker-Everyone says my face reminds them of the classic,sweet icon of the American Entertainment industry,Audrey did I shatter their illusion of my 'similarity' to her,it would break them and their unique way of coping mechanism._

 _She was kind,I heard-she spent her last remaining years helping children in under-proverished countries and was a kind lady to those who had known was like a compliment since I'm such a gloomy person,a complete opposite to me._

 _"Later."I mumbled._

 _I was glad that he kept quiet for some time but unfortunately he has spoken._

 _"Mione,What do you want to do when you get out of here?"He asked as we both looked up to the dark blue sky,the bright moon aligning with all the smallest stars._

 _"I-I just want to meet him again. Turn over a new leaf hopefully."I mumbled,my fingers fumbling."Learn to love someone again."_

 _Specifically it was about Ron, truth to be told,he was the only living one who cares for 'Uncle and aunt'?Please,all they do is give me a hard slap or tell someone to throw me into the 'quarantine room' where it was a small room that barely fit me,for hours and how cold I remember it was being inside,despite me sticking on heat pads underneath my that or I get a few whips on the back._

 _Dr Martin had questioned me about these bruises and cuts I had and I simply just tell him that I did that to myself._

 _Honestly,what's the point telling the truth anyway?My death was coming and I'm happy to be taken out of this cruel world._

 _"Going back there to New York.I want to play the piano on Broadway,be cast in Hamilton."_

 _I chuckled a little and a small smile crept until his face."I'll be the first to watch it.I promise."_

 _"Promise."We brought up our little finger and twisted them around.I looked at him and he returned back the blank look I had._

 _Suddenly,he pulled me towards him and our lips I couldn't stop,his magnetic field was a little too strong and I couldn't repel him._

 _I didn't believe in love,neither I will tonight._

 _I fell on my back onto the trimmed grass and we continued kissing-it lasted about a minute before he pulled was a meaningless kiss,I felt like nothing- kissing Ron was so much better than him._

 _I stared at him in confusion."Will?"_

 _"You've known I always liked you, 're so smart and beautiful,inside and out,yet you think the opposite of yourself._

 _You care so much for everyone that I think you should take that into yourself.I want to make you happy,Mione and I intend to do that for the rest of your life._

 _Despite the fact that I'm crazy or whatever your family thinks I am,I don't care-I'll do what it takes to be yours forever because I'm crazy for only you,Mione._

 _Please Mione,I'll try the best of my ability to take care of eating can't block me from reaching you.J-just give me one chance to make it ,Mione."_

 _"Will...I-I...you know me."I try to laugh it off,it was such a sudden change in the air and I murmured."My emotions are non-existent.I'm a broken human being.I can't cry.I can't laugh.I can't do any of those things truthfully...most importantly,I don't desire that you have to be so cruel to yourself for my 's not because of my status.I'm saying this that...I want you to be happy but I can't be the girl who makes you happy..."_

 _He looks at me,hurt._

 _I continued,"I'm...really really sorry, 's not that's you're not good enough for 's me who's not good enough for deserve anything better than me.A human being with no emotions can't love anyone please find another girl who isn't like me,someone who can brighten you up after a bad day at school."_

 _His hurt expression suddenly turns scornful,he glares at me."Why...did you allow my delusions to carry on for so long?...you knew I loved you so why didn't you tell me earlier that you didn't feel the same?"He throws his hands up,looking up._

 _"You know what?...I'm done,I'm so fucking done of you-Hermione for being a selfish bitch that gives stupid always influenced others with your negative words and...h-how...you don't really care about ,you really don't?Why don't you just drown in that bathtub of yours or jump off that roof on top of us?Because I'm so tired of seeing your ugly face."_

 _It went from 0 to 100 and I knew I hit him in his trigger others,these words will hurt but honestly I'm not shocked or upset by it because I've heard them a million times over and over again._

 _"Thanks for your informative and useful input,William."I gave him a fake small smile."I've tried to do it with whatever I could-sleeping pills,hanging,jumping off a roof and whatever you said but I guess God has given me loads of chances to live can say I don't treasure my life but don't you think that I already have nothing to live for?I have no Mother and father .My 'family' is just caring for me just so I don't have a breakdown in front of the prissy higher you for breaking off another piece of myself.I appreciate you for that."_

 _Walking off,I flipped him off before returning back to do another few sets of sit ups.I never looked back but I never forgot how one can have two sides of and hot.A burning fire to an icy chilly breeze._

 _He's better off with a girl who has Stockholm syndrome,I think Anna's that._

 _" I miss Danielle."_

 _"Anna,she'll be fine."I say,barely smiling._

 _"Yeah...she'll be... fine."_

* * *

 _Came dinner time,it was a huge meal but everyone was just needed to sit there until the huge antique clock on the wall ticks 8'o clock and then we'll be free to go._

 _It was my last meal here,July was nearing and school was reopening by but me,was staying put until their guardian wishes the opposite._

 _I barely filled up my plate with anything.A teaspoon of mashed potatoes,brown rice and one small piece of broccoli._

 _"How are you supposed to eat that little?"This snarky bitch commented as she shot me a dirty look and I returned it back to her,throwing my fork back onto the plate._

 _"What the fuck do you want?"I holler and she just laughs,every person at the dining table never paid were trying to be oblivious to the situation here._

 _"It seems like the 'little princess' has gone a little,what can I say-wild?"Veronica looks at me smugly with her plateful of veggies and roast meat."I would say maybe lover boy had—"_

 _"You know what,Veronica-why don't you shut your mouth and mind your own business?Your Father is from the fucking mafia and you're literally bankrupt,go back to America because we don't want people like you here."I huffed as I glared at her,she suddenly bursts into tears and runs out of the room._

 _"Thanks for that,you bratty bitch."The red headed boy comments as he runs after her._

 _I shrugged as I continued to lazily shove bits of food forcefully down my dry throat._

* * *

 _" Goodbye Mya."Her eyes water up as she pulled me into a tight hug."Will you ever call me if I ever get out of here but if that doesn't happen,could you please visit us next summer?"_

 _"Uh..."I mumbled,starting to have breathing difficulties because she was hugging me so tightly."Well...first you have to let me out of this hug...b-because I think I can't breath."_

 _"Oh sorry."She apologised as I scratched my head uncomfortably._

 _"Well maybe,it depends on my bitch aunt and Uncle."I lie as I gave her a fake smile._

 _She was the only one to say good bye to me and was my only friend here who I could talk comfortably to,in this house._

 _"Good bye."We both said at the same time as I waved back slowly to her as I got into the car,ready to travel back to London after two months in Bristol._

 _I have given her my email and phone number but I don't think her parents are getting her out of there any time soon so contacting her frequently would be difficult,considering my long distance travelling privileges has been cut._

 _As the engine starts,I heaved a sigh as I brought out my journal and started writing._

 _Day 369_

 _43kg_

 _I shut it as my eyes move towards the window and I swallowed the bitter bile stuck in it,as behind Anna's wild waving was a dark shadow-William's._


	5. o5:pebble

**A/N:It has been a month since I've updated, i'm sorry but i had a little writer's block and i was quite unmotivated to write lol.I'm trying to what has worked out in sucessful dramione fanfics.I really want my first dramione fanfic to be the best it can be.**

 **2!I'm looking for BETAs so readers, send me a PM if you're interested in helping out.**

 **It's not that i have bad grammar or anything , words disappear as I transfer my works over here from** **wattpad. It's really getting annoying sorry about that.**

 **Anyway,I'll to update the soonest I can.**

 **Reviews please?**

* * *

It was nearly the end of lunch time.

The feeling of it all coming out felt sickly - it was what it was, relieving stress and all of this big-sized figure I felt euphoric - exhilarating you can call it.

I had felt a little bloated after potions, a little giddy but I was alright, good as how Hermione Granger can but still imperfect.

Pulling the flush,I stared down blankly at the contents of the brown and clear wash down before shrugging, unlocking the door.

And for I was glad, the bathroom moaning myrtle haunted was empty as many were terrified of her,I didn't was a nice girl who didn't do anything wrong, for it was quite the opposite that was done to the world wasn't so cruel, she would lived a life.

"Are you fine?"A soft voice called out, she floated there with a frown on her face.

"Yeah,"I say in a clipped voice, staring at the mirror in disgust, water running between my frigid fingers.

Turning to look at the witch watching over me in concern, I winced as I gave her the first smile I had in ages," _I'm fine,I'm always fine."_

* * *

The moon casts onto the surface, I shake my head as I grasped one of the pebbles, watching it skip a few times before sinking into the water.

"A bit too late for night watching, isn't it?"

I don't look at him and continue flinging the little stones across the lake as he paces around heavily, the stones cracking underneath his shoes.

He bents down and picks up a couple, chuckling a little."You were more of a talker back then."

"Not that I care now,"I said apathetically, letting my arm fly and the tiny grey rock jumped for a little more.

"But I understand why,"the Italian nods slowly, he came closer. "The war was over.I was down , you were were knew each other, felt the same way even."

I swallowed heavily, staring at the water, standing straight as a pin.

"It wasn't much of a surprise, what happened between us."He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"But we got caught."It was an accident.I didn't want to catch a gaze of those pair of eyes that haunted me in my like nightmares.

"True."He nods once more before returning to look at me with that look I hated.

I turned my head away once more, my fingers curling up, my palms running moist, eyes observing the tiny stars that donned the skyline as I quietly said."What do you want, _Blaise?"_

"The question is what exactly do you want, Hermione?"

"I'm not sure."I crossed my arms, furrowing my eyebrows."I don't know what I want."

"I already know my answer,"He says, looking away.

I tried to say something but nothing comes out.

"I'm always here, know to me, please whenever you need to."His hands find their place on my shoulders and they jerked me around on my shaky feet."Don't bottle up your feelings, it's not ."

I don't reply and instead, continue looking down.

"Their faces haunt you, yes, Hermione but you can't blame yourself for those who are already they were here, they would've loved you to live a life on own , not to continue dwelling on the miseries of it."

Suddenly his stocky arms enveloped me as I find warmness in them, my body stays stoic, his speech muffled as his face buried itself in my hair."...tell me something, tell me something I should know."

"We could've continued,"I said slowly, realisation finally hitting me, I had a choice in I had to do was to say a simple ' no '.

"I have to think about this."Came out.

* * *

My feet marched across the hallway as I rolled my eyes, muttering obscenities as I go along paintings around me muttered around me to ' keep the obscenities to myself ' of which was more of an encouragement for me to increase the volume of my voice.

Fucking Malfoy, all he had to do was to open his big fat mouth and I get humiliation and he, a good laugh to get out 's all he thinks I am.A pushover.A laughing stock.A pathetic, weak mud blood.

Maybe I should teach him a lesson.

I could've been in the comforts of my spacious bedroom now , spending some time with my favourite razor and watching crookshanks meow pathetically at me.

But what?He and that daft cow, Parkinson had to poke make me me feel what? A laugh.A fucking laugh.

My fists tightened as I narrowed my eyes, lowering my gaze.

I would make Malfoy , once and for all.

It's going to happen tonight, no doubt.

I have a good feeling about this.


	6. o6:taste

**A/N:actually quite triggered right now because i took an hour editing this document- on anyone actually know how to transfer fics from wattpad to here conveniently?**

 **Alright,I think this chapter is one of those that you have waiting to read ;) hopefully you will like it.**

 **Love,**

 **liz**

* * *

8.14, down the stone staircase of the Slytherin dungeon.

Waltzing through the halls as I hurried to make quick amendments to my shortened skirt, a few centre metes up, a little tighter than what I usually do.

The first few buttons of my white blouse unbuttoned to show more skin, showing the creamy front of my bushy hair had surprisingly calmed down a little-I suppose the fresh air did manage to calm some of its frizziness.

Striding down along the cold atmosphere of the dungeon, I shook my head, placing a warming spell on myself before knocking on the wooden door, Snape's voice calls out, his tone apparently irritated.

Mumbling a quiet good luck to myself a few times,I sighed and opened the door.

And there he was, the vile blonde death eater was standing beside the table.A mixture of disgust and anger on his face, his fists had curled up, shaking.

"15 minutes late,Miss Granger."Snape's voice breaks out my thoughts."I said to be here on time."

"I'm sorry professor-"

"This is clearly unacceptable behaviour for a student, let alone the head girl. I would've expected much better conduct from today's lesson but it seems even time can't teach you proper discipline. Professor Mcgonagall would hear this from me tonight ."He cuts me off , giving me a cold look."If you are not to change, Miss Granger.I can assure your head girl's position can be stripped off very soon."

My gaze fell as I swallowed bitterly.

 _Look at you , the first day and you're getting threats?That shows how much of a weakling you are, Hermione Granger._

"...I know.I will change."I muttered, my eyes blinking furiously to keep the burning tears from falling.

"Good."He seems to shake his head in approval before standing up."The two of you, I hope this teaches a lesson to both of you to not disrupt my lesson . Both of you hold important affluent positions that affects the all of Hogwarts, I strongly advise you use it wisely and for the good of the students and the people around you."

"Clean up my office. No wands,I will know. The door will unlock at 9.30."Was all I heard before I heard the click of the door and a comment from you-know-who came out.

"Fucking mud blood."

I turned around and rolled my eyes , to which he reacted with an amused look before proceeding to clear out snake's desk, my body bending down ,collecting all of the mostly, Malfoy's finds himself standing by the potions shelves."Can't believe one day I'll get to see the mud blood doing what fits her work."

I would have said something but I didn't, realising all Malfoy wanted was a reaction out of me.I wanted to see how he would respond, he wasn't a calm person to begin with.

"Ah, the 'brains' of the golden trio they said."He shakes his head at the word."No wonder Scarhead and the begger boy left, you must have been worth nothing for them to just leave you alone."

 _Yeah, so why don't you leave me alone if that's so?_ I thought in my head sarcastically.

"Fucking Snape."

 _That must be a nice imagery to think of._

"Locked me up with this mud all mud bloods,it had to be this one."He spat, his normally pale face had turned red.

"Are you deaf, mudblood?"His fingers grabbed me roughly from the shoulders and spun me around,I narrowed my eyes at him, trying to jerk him off grip was too strong, I thought bitterly.

"I'm talking to you."He snarled, shaking my shoulders."What's wrong with you?"

He looked as if he was about to explode, I averted my gaze away while wincing at the soreness of my arms.

A mock barfing sound came from him, I raised an eyebrow.

"Now you're getting your filth on me."He spat, his fingers pressed on harder."Fucking pathetic. Honestly ."

 _Same to you._ I wished I could say out loud.

"Are you deaf?"Now his hands find my wrist, flings it down, my body comes stumbling backside down onto the wooden desk with his entire body pining me down completely.

Brown meets blue.

They say eyes are the doors to another person's mind.I find myself swimming in confusion as they were darker than before, an emotion I rarely recognised.

His eyes closed as he tried to slow and force his breathing down, muttering."Answer me, tell me-"

I tried to shift away from him, pushing up but instead our bodies met once all the wrong on on on skin.A jagged groan came out of his mouth as he panted heavily,I swallowed heavily, ashes burning in my stomach as I tried to him.

I am an ugly fat enemy of Malfoy's for always called me the words I came to accept myself ugly mudblood .A weakling.

But why would he be looking at me this way?And why was it undeniable that he was painfully aroused by me?I didn't want to believe it but I had to with what was pressing hard against my torso.

"And here you are."His words came to a gentle whisper, his eyes running over me, looking the candle light, I could see a small smile come up onto his face.I narrowed my eyes at him, shaking my head." Let . Me . Go . Malfoy ."

Now his head shakes, murmuring words I can't hear as I yelled."Can you hear me, you pureblooded bastard!Let me go!"

One of his fingers lazily stroked the top of my exposed skin,"Tch, tch , tch, the mud blood really has some impressive _assets."_

"Yours will be gone for all I know!"I sneered, to which he lets out a dark chuckle.

" Naviety. Innocence."He gives me that smile again."That's what I've always liked about you, mud blood."

I furrowed my eyebrows once again.

 _He wants to play a game with you, so let's play one with him if he really desires that._

"Oh I'm sure my mud blood qualities have certainly impressed you over the years."I forced a smile onto my face. _"Draco."_

He seemed to be surprised when his name came out of my mouth, _he liked it, the bastard liked it_.

"Yes."He says, his familiar smirk came back on his face."I could tell you the times I've seen you there and wished I could just grab you by the neck. Shove you down. Tear you completely apart."

"Pity.'I shake my head sadly, I was sure my wrists had turned blue by now from the lack of blood running through them."For that can't happen, my dear _Draco."_

"I'll take my chances whenever I have."A button pops down from my blouse, his finger runs down slowly from my neck down as I gritted my teeth hard."Mudblood."

"Pretty sure, you have much more to engage from the services of a particular Parkinson."I leered, another button comes out."She has much more to offer, _Draco."_

"Much more?Much more?"He seems to laugh at this, his eyes averting down to my chest."This is what I want, right now."

"Sure, fucking a mudblood like you said."I laughed airily."Double standards ."

"I see what I want.I'll have it."His body presses harder on me,"That's life."

"You kill all life."I countered.

"What I desire, I'll have it."His fingers unhooked my bra.

"What would your father say,Draco?"I smiled, letting my arms out as he removed it and threw it aside."If he saw you touching your 'so pure' body on me, what would he say honest-"

"That he has taught me well-"

"Well joy."I said as cheerily as I could, finding his attention on trying to capture my half naked body in his mind."Insane are you?"

He licks his lips ,looking at me from up to down as I shivered."I wouldn't have known that the moment I stepped into this room?"

"Associating with filth?What a shame."

"Wonder boy was right about you,you have no understanding of how other people think."

"Well he doesn't know me and so do you, _Draco."_

"I do."He cuts me off,his warm harsh lips grinded harder on mine before prying into my mouth,his tongue touching mine as I could hear a sound of satisfaction from him."Granger..."

His hands caresses my sides digits finger with the hem of my skirt before I broke the kiss."You're sick."

"I don't give a fuck."He grunted before cutting me off with another kiss and I knew there was no way I could get out of this and might as well enjoy whatever dignity I had left,but it was his mostly.I had a lot to gain than to lose.

"I'm so sick."He comments in a high-pitched voice, mocking me as I narrowed my eyes at him,still pinned against the table and I was glad that I had placed some glamour charms on my wrists.

This time,his lips were relentless,they went all around my neck and unfortunately he found my sweet spot behind my ear and used that to gather a loud moan from me as he chuckles once more."See told you, Granger.I know a lot about you."

The pressure on my neck and chest were endless as I tried to suppress the throaty moans coming out of me,"Fuck...you...bastard..."

My skirt falls and my knickers went along with them too.I could hear the unzipping of his trousers.

Is he seriously going to do this?

"Granger."Another of his multi-galleon smiles came, as a stray finger stroked my cheek gently.

That's it.

And there went my knee hitting on that perfect spot as he falls to his own knees, mumbling obscenities and I grabbed my wand from my pocket, my clothes getting on to me finally before bending down and tilting Malfoy's chin up.

"You really thought I was going to let you do it?"I pouted."Poor Draco"

My fingers grabbed hold of his stiff hard on and firmly squeezed it, laughing soundlessly as I watched a groan escape from him."Damn you, Granger...fuck..."

"Manhandle me again and you'll find it cut off in the morning, you understand?"

He could only nod painfully before I murmured a quick _alohomora,_ unlocking the door as I walked out of it, a frown instead found on my face.


	7. o7:everytime

I knew it wasn't last of Malfoy, after I had left him in that room with the job left undone. But then he could always get a girl to finish it off for him.

If I had a Galleon every time Malfoy called me a mudblood, I think I would be richer than him.

Back in my room was misery.

I shut myself in my bedroom again,letting a cry as my back slides down the door.

"Unloved.I fucked up."I sobbed.

The blade caresses my skin of my wrist before the nerving world hits me and gasping for air,I knew it went deep enough to hurt me.

"Hey."

My wrist was covered with a bandage and I wore my robes to make sure it wasn't obvious.

I don't look up because I already what's going to happen.

"Hey, Granger."

Ginny.

"Why aren't you eating?"

I don't make a response and keep my eyes stuck on the text in my book.

"Hey talk to me."

"Bitch."She stood up and a blow was struck against my face,a loud smack was heard by almost everyone.

Holding on to my swollen cheek,I look up and glare at her,hyperventilating.

"You deserved it."She said,while others stared at the scene and some started laughing.

I sat still and a tear rolled down my cheek.

I wanted to say,"H-how could you?"

How could she?

She was such a nice girl.

But Icouldn't make my lips form those very words I wanted to throw at her.

What happened to her?

That's the thing, I don't know.

People change,some for the good,some for the worse.

I'm sure Ginny and I are alternating on the same page.  
_

47kg

" Lose the fat. Pig." I muttered under my breath, stepping off the electronic scale once more. Apparently stepping off and on it won't make me lose even a pound.

But tonight I was going to do some cardio for once. Hogsmeade was at least a few kilometres long and I could need some inches off me.

I wore my usual muggle outfit of a loose sweater and jeans. They covered much of my disgusting body.

The guy was waiting at the Shrieking shack, I had promised him I would buy more than his customers usually would.

"5 bottles of tequilla and vodka. 20 packs of fags and 3 packs of Ipecac." He says, passing the sack to me, while letting out some smoke.

Glancing through the brown sack,I was glad to see he was a realisable dealer and for a good price too.

"100 galleons." I mumbled, smiling a little,passing him the bag of coins. He does a spell and it says to be the correct amount. We bid goodbye.

"Eh Granger girl, yeah? Next time on our deal, on whatever muggle beer you want, 5 percent discount for you yeah?"

"Sure. I'll owl you." I said, grinning.

As I walked back to the village, in my mind- I was jumping with joy. Finally I had what I wanted. A smoke and a drink with my fellow maybe lose some weight and gain a cut or two?

However, fate and life hated me.

"Hey Mudblood!" His voice yells out ." What are you doing here?"

I rolled my eyes, resisting the urge to hex him and continued walking.

"I'm talking to you, mudblood." His hand grabs my shoulder and spins me around.

Narrowing my eyes at him, I spat." The fuck do you want with me?"

"Oh I was just wondering why someone like you would be wandering around here."He gives me a smile, his breath fanning against my neck, his grey eyes settling on me.

"None of your business, ferret." I glared at him and pushed him away.

"So eager to touch me, eh?I see you like the pure blooded attention I give you." Malfoy sneers, snaking his head before once again, I knew he was so close to me again. His lips whispering against my ear." Nice outfit yesterday. Couldn't resist tearing off that little skirt of yours."

"You're fucking disgusting." I looked at him, horrified.

"Unfortunately, sorry I don't fuck fat mud bloods."He says, laughing.

 _I was about to eat a sandwich. Fuck it, starve to death- I don't care, run 20 kilometres, drink all the apple cider vinegar, 1000 crunches before bed, adding on 10 cuts to the thigh._

 _Don't cry._ I told myself.

"And you're an ass." I said, trying to keep my voice from my voice from breaking and the tears that were starting to burn my eyes. "Just leave me alone."

With that, I walked away.

As I did, walking from the man who was the one person that represented everything I was against. The side that wanted me dead. The side that hates my kind. The side that thinks I'm nothing.

He had succeeded.

At the lake, I took out my bottle and just took a swig. Lighted up my fag. Smoked a pack. Laughed. Letting red words write onto my wrists.

After that I would take a sober spell, run 10 rounds around the quidditch field.

Then I would finally retreat home and do my favourite of all time: purge.

Stepping on the scale, my head throbbing while the sounds of Malfoy's night time activities reverberated around the room.

Moans. _" Ah."_

 _"Draco!"_

 _"Harder."_

I smiled ,"Wanted."

46.8kg.


	8. o8:down

Every morning, I woke up and made sure I ran 5 miles. Good and safe cardio that won't make me bigger than I already am.

After which, I'll return back to my dorm, put a silencing spell and let myself scream at the mirror. Then my penknife will be on my wrist, doing its favourite routine.

Who said anything about eating breakfast or a recovery meal? If I could see those thighs touching each other again, self induced crucio sounds like a good option to me.

" Open the door."

I was in the middle of my cutting, excuse me you ferret.

"Open the fucking door, Granger!"

Pressing down the blade onto my skin, I muttered." Perfect."

 _USELESS,_ it read.

I whispered a healing spell which stopped the bleeding but still left a scar behind, of which I was quite content with.

Hiding the blade into my pocket, I opened the door." What do you want?"

"It's called a conjoined bathroom for a reason?" Malfoy said."Anyway, get out mudblood. I need to take a shower."

"Yeah, as if it would wash the bastard off you."I rolled my eyes, walking out. Malfoy continues saying something but I ignore it, sauntering back into my room.

A fag between my fingers, I blew the smoke into the air. Crookshanks meows at me, I give him a half hearted smile." What? Cats don't smoke."

"But, I'll let you have a treat." My fingers digs into the package, cig in my mouth. Crookshanks immediately gorges it up.

"A cat but a pig." I shook my head as Crookshanks looked at me, strangely with pity.

I walk pass people by the hallways, head tucked down, no look on my face, just concentrated on burning some calories before class.

A tall, skinny brunette was sashaying towards me. Parkinson. " The friendless mudblood,eh?"

I ignore her and continue walking.

" A 200 pound one." Her lips smack at that." Who want that?"

No one. No one likes a fat girl.

"Pity that Draco has to put up with you, filth." She says." If you die, the world would be in a much better place."

"So just take that rope and cut it all off."

With that, her hands land on my back and with a firm push, everything went down with me.

And when I look up, everyone was laughing at me. Hot tears burnt at the back of my eyes.

_

It was after transfiguration class- though Mcgongall was headmistress, she still taught classes in school.

She had asked me to stay back after class, people were sending me looks and murmurs.I knew from the look she gave me- I fucked up again.

"How is she a head girl when her grades are literally shit?"

The last test I did- I got an A for transfiguration. And maybe a B for Potions? Can't remember. To be honest, it was to be expected anyway that I was bound to fail.

"Too bad whoring doesn't earn you a grade here, fatso!"

"Miss Granger." Her voice interrupted the train of thoughts I was having." I think you know exactly why you're here."

"Yes." I said.

 _Because I'm a failure. A failure at everything._

"Your grades haven't been up to par, as per lately. " She says,pacing." The question is why?"

"I don't know." I reply.

 _Because I don't care at this point,3 weeks I get sufficient enough grades, I can still get by life well enough. A paperwork job at the ministry is easily , with again easily done fake records, I could get a secretarial job and just fille and organise everything._ _A job in the big city. Muggle. Maybe New York. Definitely not London._

" The matter of the fact is that your teachers have been worried about you, Hermione. Harry Potter and Ron Weasley isn't here but—"

"We're not friends anymore." I mumbled, mcgonagall looks at me, shocked.

"Well I hope you know you have me if you have anything on your mind that's bothering you. "

Why should I?

My dead eyes stay fixated on an empty spot in the classroom as she continues on with her monotonous drill, disregarding the elephant in the room, no pun intended at all.

—

I think I smoked a pack today. I think I would need a refill soon.

Wait; I just took 5 ipecac pills.

Gotta go, one knows.


End file.
